Sunday, June 1, 2008

I have been reading a wonderful book. Bonds That Make Us Free. For me, it has been one of those books that you read and just can't be the same person or look at life the same anymore. It's been profound, and yes...cheesy as it changing. I have read, studied, attended...many self-help ideas. Looked for happiness and peace that i seem to miss so often. Let go of hurt and anger. Be positive. Treat others as i want to. Just be me, as i know i really am somewhere inside behind all the junk. Now i am sure that this is more than any of you care to know about me, but i tell you this because I have learned some new ideas {through this book} that just clicked. It introduces many ideas quite contrary to most therapeutic advise. It takes the responsibility off of outside sources and puts it squarely on your {my} shoulders. And while a lot of this was hard to swallow, it is just what i need. It's written by C. Terry Warner. He is part of The Arbinger Institute.
I, more for myself than anything, am wanting to write down a couple things that mean a lot to me. That somehow hit a cord, clicked, with me.
The first ones that are standing out the me today are actually in the epilogue at the very end of the book. So while they will probably make sense, just remember that there was a lot leading up to these things that helped them click with me. Like i said this is more because i want to write them down, but figured i would share them with you guys as well.

FABLE: The quality of life- the success we hope for- depends largely upon attaining what people have commonly called the good life. By this we mean competing for, obtaining, and securely holding on to certain externals- for example, pleasures, status, or possessions- which we regard as valuable, satisfying, and reflective of our worth.
FACT: The quality of life depends upon the choices we make, moment by moment, to do exactly what we sense is right toward all living things, including God. To distinguish this from pursuing the good life, i would like to call it pursuing a life of goodness. This means a life of practical faith.

...Doing the right thing no matter what others may think requires faith - faith of a peculiarly practical kind. It takes faith not to rely upon external evidences, or anything else that can be seen, for our sense of acceptability. We must trust instead in certain things we cannot see and cannot use for self-promotion, such as the light or guidance given us through our sense of others' needs and feelings. Signs of these needs flow to us from others without interruption and invite us to love them. We cleanse ourselves of insecurity and gain self-assurance when we do exactly as this love dictates, rather than constantly struggle to prop up a dubious, idealized image of ourselves. The key is to realize the infinite supremacy of love over status.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is Denny. Here are some of my favorite quotes.

On victimization...
{61} There is very big difference between portraying oneself as a victim and actually being a victim....we are responsible when we present ourselves as victims in order to justify ourselves. There are indeed real victims, but acting and feeling victimized does not make a person a real victim.

One way we can make ourselves out to be victims is by failing in some aspect of life; our failure "proves" how badly we have been treated.

Often we will do almost anything to hang on to our victimhood, even if it means destroying something we treasure.

On Living a lie...
Fable: Our accusing, self-excusing feelings such as anger, frustration, bitterness, self-pity, and so on, are signals that we are in the right.
Fact: Such feelings are signals that we in the wrong.

Another puzzling feature of self-betrayal is the idea that justifying ourselves by accusing others of mistreating us must always be a lie.

The very fact that we need to struggle for approval proves that we do not approve of ourselves.

Love is not manipulative...
We influence others most profoundly when we do not seek to change them at all, but simply go about straight-forwardly doing the right and loving thing.

It is a key sign of danger when we expect that others should change in response to our change. This signals a lapse on our part, to feel that we need others to change before we can be free of our troubled, afflicting thoughts and feelings, we have either lost the joy we felt when we experienced our change of heart or else we never experienced that change at all.

The only way to start afresh...
It doesn't matter if we marry a different spouse, take another job, or move to another country. We will be the same: we will interpret our world the same way, and others will respond to us the same way.

Nothing can change fundamentally until we change fundamentally. We shall never find a beloved until we become lovers.