I'm copying and pasting this directly from a comment Denny left. It gives some great quotes that give a much better explanation and overview of the book than i gave. Thanks, Denny. Saves me lots of typing! :)
There is very big difference between portraying oneself as a victim and actually being a victim....we are responsible when we present ourselves as victims in order to justify ourselves. There are indeed real victims, but acting and feeling victimized does not make a person a real victim.
One way we can make ourselves out to be victims is by failing in some aspect of life; our failure "proves" how badly we have been treated.
Often we will do almost anything to hang on to our victimhood, even if it means destroying something we treasure.On Living a lie...
Fable: Our accusing, self-excusing feelings such as anger, frustration, bitterness, self-pity, and so on, are signals that we are in the right.
Fact: Such feelings are signals that we in the wrong.
Another puzzling feature of self-betrayal is the idea that justifying ourselves by accusing others of mistreating us must always be a lie.
The very fact that we need to struggle for approval proves that we do not approve of ourselves.Love is not manipulative...
We influence others most profoundly when we do not seek to change them at all, but simply go about straight-forwardly doing the right and loving thing.
It is a key sign of danger when we expect that others should change in response to our change. This signals a lapse on our part, to feel that we need others to change before we can be free of our troubled, afflicting thoughts and feelings, we have either lost the joy we felt when we experienced our change of heart or else we never experienced that change at all.The only way to start afresh...
It doesn't matter if we marry a different spouse, take another job, or move to another country. We will be the same: we will interpret our world the same way, and others will respond to us the same way.
Nothing can change fundamentally until we change fundamentally. We shall never find a beloved until we become lovers.
3 hours ago